Plot Bunnies Fornicating With My Brain
by gingeringfigs
Summary: This is where I put the plot bunnies so they don't spread. Don't ask me to "continue" any of them because that means you did not read/understand this summary and I'll assume that you're an idiot. No exceptions. Now, shut up and read, will ya.
1. Uzumaki Naruto, Kushina's fake twin 1

**Title:** Meet Uzumaki Naruto, Kushina's fake-twin-brother-who's-to-be-the-next-jinchuuriki

**Author:** Enwa

**Rating:** PG13

**Summary: **Uzumaki Kushina has run away, not wanting to become the next jinchuuriki. The deadline is coming up and they need to find a new candidate quickly because they won't be able to find Kushina in time! Thankfully, no one else could be a better substitute candidate than a time-tripping-former-jinchuuriki Uzumaki Naruto who happens to be Kushina's long-lost-fake-twin-bro-but-who-the-hell-cares. Also, he looks way too pretty now and now understands why Kushina said sorry to him that time. He really hates being mistaken for a girl all the time, damn it!

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><p><strong>Meet Uzumaki Naruto, Kushina's fake-twin-brother-who's-to-be-the-next-jinchuuriki<strong>

When Naruto woke up, he immediately wished that he had never woken up as he felt as though he was going to puke his guts out all over the grass that he was lying face down in. He also had a pounding headache the size of the Hokage Mountain. He hadn't felt this bad for _ages, _this possibly topped the epic hangover afterthat "Drinking Contest" with Killer Bee (inadvertently causing much pants-shitting terror when two drunk Bijuu spontaneously appeared and romped around the Continent). Gingerly rolling over onto his back to squint at the blue sky with the grass blades tickling his neck, Naruto wondered where the hell he was now and why the heck he was in such a bad state. He was also alarmed to find that his weapons weren't on him.

Then he froze.

With a shaking hand (that looked far too _small_), Naruto yanked a couple of hair strands loose and examined them with wide eyes. They weren't his usual blond. His hair was _red_, the very same colour like his mother Uzumaki Kushina's hair. The pain from pulling out his hair didn't disperse the sight, which probably meant that it wasn't a genjutsu or a dream. He also didn't detect any sign of chakra interference in his system.

As there was no source of water nearby to use as a mirror, Naruto made a shadow clone so he could see what he looked like. When the smoke cleared, he and his shadow clone stared at each other with disbelieving eyes.

"Holy crap! Your eyes also changed! They're now _purple_!" His clone exclaimed. Naruto mutely nodded as he stared at his image; dumbfounded by his new appearance. He now looked exactly like his mother if she had been born male. With blood-red hair, violet eyes and fair complexion, Naruto looked like a typical Uzumaki clansman. He was also disturbed by how _pretty_ he was – for the first time in his life, he wished that he didn't look so much like his mother. He might actually even be prettier than _Haku_!

But aside from his startling new look, Naruto had also de-aged. Judging from the size of his new body and the round baby-fat on his cheeks (oh, now he could see why Kushina had been called tomato), he had regressed to around seven years old. Naruto only had one thing to say.

"Oh hell no. I'm not going through puberty AGAIN!"

* * *

><p><strong>TIME-SKIP AND MANY MANY HIJINKS LATER<strong>

* * *

><p>His heart was beating rapidly in his chest and he felt as though he had butterflies in his stomach. His palms were sweaty and he couldn't stop himself from fidgeting. It was official. Minato just met his first crush as he eyed the new student standing at the front of the class.<p>

She was rather striking in appearance, the combination of vivid red messy and short hair, purple eyes and fair skin making her as appear as though she was a character from a comic. Her clothes were also rather boyish compared to her fellow female students' clothes, consisting of black shorts and a red-spiral marked orange shirt that clashed horribly with her hair. Her knees and elbows were covered with half-healed scrapes. As his heart fluttered, Minato wondered if the curious set of three whisker-line scars on her cheeks were a clan-mark like the Inuzuka and Akimichi face tattoos.

"Introduce yourself to the class." Tanaka-sensei instructed the girl who scowled at him and muttered under her breath, "But I don't even want to be here…!"

"Just introduce yourself."

"Okay, fine." The girl heaved a sigh and then she squared her shoulders, straightened her back and proudly lifted her head, "I am Uzumaki Naruto and I'm going to be the best ninja in the world!"

Wow. Minato couldn't help but grin. Even her name was as quirky as her appearance. He really wanted to get to know her more – she was so different from the other girls in the class! Then Uchiha Fugaku's voice derisively said, "Stupid. But aren't you a girl? You also look like a tomato."

Minato turned to frown at the other boy; that had been totally rude of him. Naruto only smiled sweetly and greeted Fugaku, "You are an Uchiha right?"

"Yes, I'm Uchiha Fugaku, clan heir."

"Wow, the resemblance is just _uncanny_…Let me thank you for volunteering to help me vent."

"What…?"

"Oh. God. _No_!" Tanaka-sensei paled and he immediately lunged to grab Naruto's collar but he missed by a precious few centimeters. Like greased lightning, faster than Minato could see, Naruto vaulted over the table to punch Fugaku right in the face and he crumpled to the floor, out-cold. Speechless, Minato's jaw dropped to the floor. Naruto shook her hand with a disdainful snort, "Man, for an arrogant Uchiha, you're really _blind_. I'm a fucking _boy _for god's sake_!_"

Wait. What? Naruto was a _boy_? No way. He was too pretty to be a boy! Oh. This was _embarrassing_. His first crush had turned out to be a ridiculously pretty boy instead of a girl. Minato officially wanted to die of utter humiliation. He groaned as he buried his red face in his hands. His only solace was that he was not alone in his embarrassment as he heard similar dismayed sounds from the other boys and girls.

Yamanaka Inoichi breathed in awe, "_Dude. _That was totally _awesome_."

"Naruto! You're in detention after school! This class is now free-study because I have to take Fugaku to the clinic." Tanaka-sensei snapped as he carefully lifted the unconscious Fugaku and walked out of class.

"Meh. He deserved it." Naruto sniffed as he plopped himself down beside Minato, propping his feet on the table. Minato stiffened, feeling his blush flare again in his cheeks at the close proximity. Naruto turned to greet him, "Oh, yeah, hope you don't mind me sit-"

Naruto immediately paled and his eyes grew wide on seeing him. He stared speechlessly at him and Minato fidgeted nervously. After a long moment and Naruto was still staring speechlessly, Minato hesitantly replied, "Um, it's okay. You can sit here if you like. It's nice to meet you, Uzumaki-san. I'm Namikaze Minato. You can call me Minato."

"Yeah…Nice to meet you too…Minato," Naruto seemed to rouse from his daze and he quickly looked away as he apologised, "Sorry for staring, you reminded me of someone."

"…Er, ok. No offense taken," Minato replied, bemused by Naruto's strange reaction. Naruto's shoulders were tense and he seemed…sad. Wondering who he had reminded Naruto of, Minato attempted to inject some humour into the situation, "At least, you didn't tell me that I was pretty. I've had way too many people tell me that."

Startled, Naruto laughed.

* * *

><p><strong>Notes<strong>

Basically, Naruto is thrown back in time by some unknown plot device. Since he's not supposed to exist in the past, his body is sort-of-destroyed in the process which explains why he feels like he's got the mother of all hangovers when he wakes up. Also, half of his DNA that came from his father, is destroyed and his body imbued with Kyuubi's chakra and the inherent Uzumaki resilient genes, reconstructs itself. Naturally, he turns into something like a male twin version of Kushina. Naruto is so not pleased by his new appearance (HE NOW LOOKS LIKE A VERY PRETTY GIRL AND NOW TOTALLY UNDERSTANDS WHY KUSHINA SAID SORRY LMFAO).

After some hijinks etc etc, Naruto winds up in Whirlpool and learns that Kushina ran away, not wanting to become the next jinchuuriki. No one knows where she is now and the deadline is coming up soon before she can be found which means that Naruto's gotta do the job since omg, he's Kushina's long-lost twin bro and has the same chakra attributes - YES CANDIDATE GET! Naruto's like HELL NO because he doesn't want to risk changing the entire course of history and also, find his mother. But too bad, he's forced to go to Konoha anyway and eventually enters the Academy in the same class as a very young Minato.

And that's it.


	2. Uzumaki Naruto, Kushina's fake twin 2

**Title:** Meet Uzumaki Naruto, Kushina's fake-twin-brother-who's-to-be-the-next-jinchuuriki

**Author:** Enwa

**Rating:** PG13

**Summary: **Uzumaki Kushina has run away, not wanting to become the next jinchuuriki. The deadline is coming up and they need to find a new candidate quickly because they won't be able to find Kushina in time! Thankfully, no one else could be a better substitute candidate than a time-tripping-former-jinchuuriki Uzumaki Naruto who happens to be Kushina's long-lost-fake-twin-bro-but-who-the-hell-cares. Also, he looks way too pretty now and now understands why Kushina said sorry to him that time. He really hates being mistaken for a girl all the time, damn it!

**Notes: **Read the damn notes in "Meet Uzumaki Naruto, Kushina's fake twin 1", damn it! They're there to provide explanations for your burning questions; not to sit there and look pretty. I_ hate_ repeating myself. I also do NOT ship Kushina/Naruto even if I do ship Minato/Naruto.

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><p><strong>Schoolyard Brawl<strong>

Uzumaki Naruto almost could feel his teeth cracking under the strain as he gritted his teeth, restraining the urge to punch the boy in front of him. He reminded himself once again that it wasn't worth getting another detention on top of the other ones he already had for his other misdemeanours (usually pranking and truancy), even though it was really, really tempting to break the arrogant Uchiha Fugaku's nose again. God, he was really a lot like his future younger son. He was also only a _child _while Naruto was actually in his late teens despite looking the same age – goddamnit; he really hated looking like a child!

"Fight me, Uzumaki Naruto! I'll show you the might of an Uchiha!"

For some reason, Fugaku kept seeking him out during recess every day for a duel, in order to "restore his family honour" or some bullshit. Naruto often tuned him out but it only made Fugaku even more insistent and annoying, like an annoying housefly that wouldn't get out of your face. Ugh. Maybe he shouldn't have punched Fugaku on the first day he joined the Academy.

Turning his head away and taking out a cherry-flavoured lollipop from his pocket, he unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth as he mused on his next prank to top his previous prank. (He'd given the Hokage Monument a drag-queen makeover and caused the Council a collective coronary. Mito-baachan had given him an approving wink and said that it was really accurate. He didn't really need to know that the founders had dressed in drag before.) He wanted to be expelled from Academy, damn it! Going through Academy again was cruel and unusual punishment when he was already_ Hokage _for crying out loud! But _nooooo_, The Academy still wanted him and even praised his pranks as signs of a genius shinobi, even as they disapproved of them at the same time. If only they had been so positive and supportive in his real childhood.

"Are you too chicken to fight me?"

But well, there were still some good things about his current situation. He couldn't deny that he really enjoyed being with his young father-to-be, Namikaze Minato in class. It was quite an eye-opening experience to see the young Minato learning how to handle weapons for the first time (read: he was damn clumsy and had almost stabbed his foot, a far cry from the competent genius shinobi he would later become). Minato was also such a _bookworm_. It was encouraging and inspiring to learn first-hand that Minato hadn't always been perfect and had worked hard to become the Yondaime Hokage.

"Naruto, fight me!" Fugaku's voice had a distinct whiny undertone now. Rolling the lollipop in his mouth and savouring the cherry flavour, Naruto finally looked at him and asked simply, "Why should I fight you? There's nothing in it for me."

Fugaku blinked dumbly, not expecting the question. He floundered, "Be-because I said so! I'm Uchiha Fugaku, heir to the Uchiha Clan and you're just a nobody!"

"He's not a nobody!" A familiar voice shouted indignantly behind Fugaku. Ah, Minato had turned up. From the bench, Naruto greeted him with a wave, "Hi, Minato."

Minato gave him a nod of acknowledgement as he stood in front of Fugaku with a frown. He said, "You should stop bothering Naruto-san during recess! He doesn't want to fight you. Even if he did want to fight you, it's against the Academy rules to fight outside of taijutsu classes!"

"Stay out of it, you sissy! Naruto's not a girl and he doesn't need your protection!"

Fugaku angrily shoved Minato and that caught everyone's attention in the backyard. Minato managed to keep his balance and Naruto was alarmed to see a snarl cross his usually friendly face. Uh oh. Fugaku had somehow just made him very _mad _this time even though he had called Minato sissy several times before. Wondering what exactly had set Minato off, Naruto hastily caught his sleeve and tried to calm him down, "Hey, Minato, it's okay. I can take care of myself-"

Minato ripped his arm away from Naruto's grip and immediately punched Fugaku as he shouted, "I. Am. Not. A. Sissy!"

Growling as he clutched his red nose, Fugaku immediately retaliated with a leg-sweep that knocked Minato to the ground. By then, a crowd already formed around them and chanting, "Fight! Fight! Fight!" Naruto wasn't surprised to hear that Inoichi and Tsume's voice were the loudest.

Minato rolled to his feet, his white jacket smeared with brown dirt. He clenched his fists and his eyes were icy. Fugaku moved into a guarded stance opposite him, completely forgetting about his original target, Naruto. Within a blink, they were embroiled in a brawl, kicking up dust and the Academy students cheered them on. Naruto had a very bad feeling about just where this was going…

"HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" Tanaka's familiar voice bellowed. Everyone froze, including the brawling Minato and Fugaku. Minato and Fugaku immediately sprang apart, looking very guilty. Tanaka strode across the yard, the crowd immediately dispersing to make way for him. When he realised that it was Minato and Fugaku responsible, he looked surprised. But when Tanaka saw Naruto innocently sitting on the bench, he rolled his eyes and muttered, "Should have known…"

"It wasn't Naruto's fault, Tanaka-sensei!" Minato immediately protested, "It was Fugaku's!"

"Hey! You punched me _first_!" Fugaku shouted. Minato turned to face him and retorted, "You shoved me and called me sissy!"

"You interrupted me!"

"You were bullying Naruto!"

"No, I wasn't!"

"Yes, you were!"

"No, I wasn't!"

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

Naruto couldn't help but laugh loudly, finding the entire situation ridiculous. Grinning slyly around his lollipop, he said, "You sound like an old married couple! You should kiss and make-up!"

"No way!" "Ew!"

Both Fugaku and Minato immediately gagged and scuttled away from each other as far as they could before Tanaka-sensei grabbed their collars. Tanaka-sensei shook his head and said, "You two are in detention after school, regardless of who started it first. It's against the rules to fight outside of taijutsu classes."

"…Yes, sensei." The boys glumly said as they strained far away from each other.

The bell rang. Tanaka finally let Minato and Fugaku go so they could return to class along with the other students. Naruto got up, still mirthfully grinning but before he could go back in, Tanaka placed his hand on his shoulder and said with a bemused smile, "You…are really something, kid."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Nothing. Go back to class." As Tanaka watched Naruto stroll back to class, he thought with mixed feelings of amusement and horror, "_You just had the best two students, Minato and Fugaku, fight over you without even trying. Any girl would kill to be in your situation. I can't imagine what it's going to be like with hormones involved later on. Thank god, I'm not going to be teaching your class again after this year!"_


	3. 18 Tails

**Title:** 18 Tails

**Author:** Enwa

**Rating:** PG13

**Notes: **Another plot bunny of mine involving dimensional/time-travelling hijinks and what-ifs. I swear, I'm addicted to them.

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><p><strong>18 Tails<strong>

"This is officially the weirdest day of my life ever. That's saying something."

That was all Naruto could say as he stared at the unconscious figure in the hospital bed before him. Now in his early twenties and donning the Hokage hat since the age of eighteen (becoming the youngest Hokage ever in the history of Konoha in the process was an added bonus), Uzumaki-Namikaze Naruto had already seen many things in his relatively short but colourful and exciting life. However, all of these paled next to the impossible sight of his young father, irrefutably alive, unconscious in the hospital bed before him.

To top it all off, Naruto could also clearly feel the presence of another Kyuubi within the man before him, his Kyuubi's chakra inside him resonating with the other presence. It was not mere imagination. According to medical reports, this man also bore the same seal on his stomach. Going completely against the laws of reality and history, the formerly deceased Yondaime Hokage and Naruto's father, Namikaze Minato was a jinchuuriki just like him and he was comatose in front of him, recuperating from severe chakra exhaustion and burns. According to DNA testing, Minato was only 22 years old.

"…Holy crap. I'm actually older than my father!" Naruto blurted, earning an eye roll from Sakura beside him. She smacked her forehead, "Even though you're now the Hokage, you make the dumbest comments! You should be looking into why and how your DEAD father's now ALIVE and why he now contains another Kyuubi like you!"

Looking at her, Naruto replied petulantly, "We won't be able to get any answers until he wakes up to answer our questions, Sakura. And seriously, how else would you react if you were in my shoes?"

"…Point." Sakura had the decency to look sheepish. It was just then their guest decided to wake up.

* * *

><p>"…Am I dead?"<p>

Minato groaned as he slowly roused awake. He immediately wished that he hadn't woken up as his entire body flared with pain. He felt as though he had been scorched and ripped thoroughly before stitched back together with only the bandages to keep everything in place.

"No, you aren't. But you were supposed to be dead 24 years ago, Yondaime." A vaguely familiar voice answered him. The friendly voice somehow reminded him of Kushina. Groggily looking in the direction of the voice, he barely made out two persons, one with bright yellow hair and another with pink hair. He couldn't see their faces clearly enough with his blurry vision. Minato frowned in confusion, "I should have been dead 24 years ago…? But I wasn't even born yet."

The pink-haired person hit the blond person with a painful thwack before he came closer to check on Minato. Minato realized that the person was actually a woman once he was able to see her clearly.

"Hello, I'm Haruno Sakura and…erm, unfortunately, my idiot friend is right. You, or rather, our Yondaime Hokage died 24 years ago. And, frankly, we are all very confused by your presence and the fact that you are holding Kyuubi inside you. Our Yondaime Hokage never contained Kyuubi." Sakura hesitantly explained; her hands folded in her lap. Minato had to take some time to comprehend what she was saying before eloquently replying, "What…?"

"Goodness, this is so awkward." Sakura muttered to herself. "We've to give him a full crash course into our past before he's going to understand everything…"

Naruto scratched his head and replied reluctantly, "I'll love to do that now but I don't have much time left. I've got to return to paperwork… Ugh, now I understand why Sarutobi-jiji always loved going for ramen with me – it was an excuse to get away from ghastly paperwork!"

Even though he was still very confused about where he was and why he was still alive, Minato found the blond man's comment funny, "It seems universal that paperwork sucks."

The blond man's head snapped in his direction and he looked surprised before a slow smile spread across his face. He looked startlingly familiar. He replied, "My, so the legendary Yondaime also dislikes paperwork…!"

"What's your name? You never introduced yourself." Minato's vision was finally clear now and he could see the blond man's face clearly. He was transfixed by how much the blond man looked like Kushina. Unconsciously, he said, "Kushina…?"

Sakura looked highly amused as Naruto blushed in mixed mortification and indignation, "What no-! I'm not my- I'm not Kushina. I'm…Naruto. Namikaze-Uzumaki Naruto. Congratulations, you've a boy, albeit, a 24 year old adult…"

Minato could only stare, his mind completely blown by what Naruto said. Now that he said it, he could clearly see his influence in Naruto's appearance beneath the rather striking resemblance to Kushina.

"You're Kushina's and my son…? But that's…"

"Impossible? I'm guessing you and Kushina didn't get together in your reality yet?" Sakura interjected.

"…No. It's because Kushina's been dead since she was twelve. She died in the Kumo kidnapping." Minato's flat answer made her pale and gasp.

"O…Oh! That rather changes things… Is that why you contain Kyuubi?" Sakura's voice was soft as she glanced back and forth between Naruto and Minato. Naruto looked rather thunderstruck before he forcefully got himself under control, a steely expression on his face. Minato absently noticed that he had the demeanour of a Kage – was his alternate-version's son a Hokage as well? He wasn't sure because Naruto was wearing a Jounin uniform (looked like they'd made some changes to the design.)

"Sort of. After Kushina's death, another Uzumaki, Kaneko, was sent to Konoha when Mito-hime's health started to fail as a substitute. Then… one night, Kaneko was somehow killed and Kyuubi was released… I was forced to seal it into myself as there was no other choice and too little time." Minato slowly explained, vivid memories of the battle replaying in his head.

"…Did you see a cloaked and masked man that night? He might have been wearing an orange mask." Naruto seriously asked. Minato shook his head no. He never saw anyone matching the description and he had been more pre-occupied with sealing Kyuubi away to notice. His pseudo-son (really?) hissed in annoyance.

"Damn. It may or may not have been Madara's doing… But since we can't go back to your reality, we have no way of knowing." Suddenly, Naruto mischievously smiled in exactly the same way Kushina used to.

"Annnnd, there's the question of what we should do with you. I'm quite of the mind to announce that the Yondaime Hokage's alive once more - the Council would totally shit their pants and it's not that inconceivable considering what happened during the Fourth War… It'll be totally hilarious."

"NARUTO, YOU IDIOT! Don't you even DARE." Sakura raised her fist threateningly and Naruto cowered. Minato's mind was occupied by the mention of a Fourth War. He asked, "Wait, there was another Shinobi War?"

"…Long story. But it's over now and we'll see about getting you some books on recent history to get you up to speed. Then, we'll talk." Naruto replied as he watched himself get scolded by Sakura. Minato blinked in surprise; he had not seen Naruto make a Kage Bunshin and switch at all. That was definitely Kage level skill. He asked in wonder, "Are you… a Hokage as well?"

"Yep! Rokudaime Hokage at your service!" Naruto gave a grand bow. Minato found himself smiling, "Neat."

* * *

><p>Minato slowly closed the last book and placed it on top of the pile of books that he had been reading all day, now familiar with the events of recent history of this alternate reality. He was reeling from just how much had changed and how much had occurred in this strange new world from his original world. It was saying something that the least surprising information was the fact that the alternate Kushina had survived the kidnapping and married the alternate him to produce a son who was actually older than him by two years.<p>

Aside from their first meeting, Minato hadn't seen much of Naruto. It was to be expected considering that Naruto was the Hokage and had other responsibilities to take care of. It was a bit disappointing but at the same time, Minato was also grateful, as it would have been awkward and uncomfortable for him trying to talk with someone who had so much history with the alternate him. Truthfully, he was a bit intimidated by Naruto who had completely surpassed him in so many aspects, having completed the Rasengan, obtaining Sage mode and so on. He had no doubt that Naruto also made a much better Hokage than him.

Minato also saw the pink-haired lady Sakura quite frequently as she was his assigned doctor. He had been quite impressed to learn that she had been Tsunade's apprentice and apparently just as skilled or possibly even better than the Slug Sennin. As he looked out of the window at the Hokage Monument with six heads, he mused to himself, "Certainly looks like the current generation have things handled…"

He had never expected that the Elemental Countries were actually experiencing true peace instead of the tenuous peace upheld by reluctant truces. It was very inspiring but Minato doubted if he could actually do the same for his own world, that is, if he ever managed to find a way back.

"Yo, Minato, how're you feeling?" Naruto's bright voice cheerfully greeted him. Naruto had come straight from his office still wearing his white Hokage coat over his jounin uniform. Lifting his eyes to meet Naruto's, Minato felt a frisson pass through his chakra as Naruto's chakra met his. It felt too…_intimate_ for his comfort. It also didn't help that Kyuubi's chakra always reacted with the other Kyuubi's presence. But despite his discomfort, he couldn't help but smile in response to the cheerful greeting, "I'm getting better thanks to Haruno-san. I'm quite impressed with what you've achieved, Rokudaime."

Minato was rewarded with a happy smile that was very reminiscent of Kushina. Yes, this was why he couldn't bring himself to show his discomfort in Naruto's presence when he was so much like her. He couldn't help but feel guilty at the thought of upsetting Naruto and wanted to avoid that as much as possible.

"Jeez, didn't I tell you to just call me Naruto? There's no need for formalities between us, Kage to Kage." Naruto huffed in mock-annoyance as he sat down in the chair beside Minato's bed. He looked over the pile of books and whistled in amazement, "Wow, you finished reading all of them already? That's fast."

"I've always been a fast reader. And well, there's nothing else for me to do while I'm still stuck in bed." Minato self-effaced, feeling self-conscious. Naruto laughed and said, "Still, it's really amazing that you finished all of them in only a week. There's, what, at least ten of them? And each one is big enough to use as a door-stopper! I could never sit still long enough to finish reading one!"

"I take it you're the type to constantly get into trouble?" Minato dryly said.

"Oh yeah. If you've read all about my exploits, you would know. It's not like I want to get into trouble; trouble always finds me! You included." Naruto jabbed his finger at him in mock-accusement. Minato frowned.

"Have I been causing you trouble?"

"Not exactly. It's just…argh, you know, the Council. Everyone's going nuts, trying to figure out what to do with you while we're looking for a way to send you back home. Not to the mention the hoo-ha in the event that you fail to return home. It's an unprecedented event that there are actually two Hokages at the same time." Naruto's arms were swinging wildly in his explanation. Minato thought carefully and said, "I see. But, you don't have to worry about me. I'm no longer the rightful Hokage. You are."

Naruto laughed and shook his head. He shook his finger at Minato like he was a child and said, "Oh, Minato, you really underestimate your importance in Konoha. Thanks to your alternate self's accomplishments, you're revered like a god. Many of the people still want you to be Hokage, some even suggesting that _I _step down!"

"Oh, er, I'm sorry. I certainly didn't mean to usurp your place…" Minato was too flustered. Naruto snickered and patted his arm, "Nah, as long as it gets me away from paperwork, I would be all for it! But sadly, at the end of the day, I'm still the top honcho and even if you're technically a Konoha citizen, you're still an outsider, no offence. You simply don't know everyone well enough and not to mention the diplomatic ties between Konoha and the other villages. You also don't belong to this reality."

"Yes, you're right…" Minato sighed, knowing that Naruto was correct, "So, what do you have in mind for me then?"

"Well, it would be awesome if I could have you as my advisor like Sarutobi-jiji did for you but that's not feasible as I already have an advisor and you're still considered a security risk. We're going to allow you to continue being an operative and free reign over your activities under a condition." Naruto looked expectantly at Minato, waiting for his reply. When Minato nodded, he continued, "Right, you'll be subjected to a tracking seal that will monitor your activities and your location. It will be removed when you finally return. If you're unable to return, the seal will only be removed if you're deemed to be not a security risk. However, if you refuse the seal, we will have to keep you under house arrest."

Naruto grimaced, not liking the idea of practically treating Minato as a prisoner. Even if he wasn't exactly his father, he was still too similar to make the entire situation incredibly awkward. Minato thought carefully and asked, "If I were to accept, who is going to be my handler? What rank would I hold?"

"I will be your handler. As for your rank, it's up to you really. It would be really amusing if you decided to demote yourself to genin though!"

"Will I still be allowed to take missions outside of Konoha?"

Naruto shook his head, "Sadly no. You're too recognizable and it would raise a lot of questions if you were seen outside of Konoha. Considering what happened during the Fourth Shinobi War, you would be suspected as a zombie and most likely be attacked. However, if you're confident of being able to hide your identity outside of Konoha, we can discuss your options further."

"Understood." Minato nodded. Naruto leaned forward on his elbows on the bed and steepled his hands as he gazed at Minato intently. His voice was suddenly serious as he asked, "What's your decision, Namikaze Minato?"

Minato stared back at Naruto's hard blue eyes that were now so different from his usual friendly look. This was no longer just Uzumaki-Namikaze Naruto but the Rokudaime Hokage of Konoha speaking. Instead of feeling intimidated as usual, Minato was surprised to feel a thrill and he answered, "I'll accept the seal."

"Excellent. I look forward to working with you, Minato." The Rokudaime Hokage relaxed and Naruto reached out a hand. Minato gripped his hand and shook it. Naruto leaned in and dropped his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, "So, what do you say to blowing this joint and getting a good meal instead of hospital slop?"

"…Yes, please."

**Fin.**


	4. Ether

**ETHER**

Naruto had never been here before and he should know, having travelled over every single inch of Konoha in his explorations. He knew every alley and street, even the secret ones which shinobi used, like the back of his hand. It was crucial to his survival after all (and to a lesser extent, his successful escapes after pranks).

The place he now found himself in was a small glade. Above him, there was a small hole in the ceiling that he had fallen through, a pitiful broken piece of wood still dangling from the edge. He was lucky that he hadn't gotten any splinters or severe injuries in the unexpected fall during his frantic escape from his angry prank victims (they'd tried to over-charge him again and he was having none of it!)

Despite being underground, the glade was surprisingly verdant and there was a tranquil air to the place. It was heightened by the beautiful glow of sunlight spilling in from the hole above and the bioluminescent glow of phosphoric moss and fireflies. Naruto breathed an awed exclamation, "_Wow_."

"Who's there?" A young voice called out, causing him to jump. He didn't see anyone else in the glade and his sharp ears also didn't hear any one. Cautiously looking around for a place to hide (none in this open glade), Naruto shouted, "Show yourself first!"

"…You can actually hear me?" The voice sounded surprised and there was a painfully familiar note of hope in it. It also sounded much closer but Naruto still couldn't see anyone. His eyes darting around and peering into the shadows at the edges of the glade, he replied, "Yeah, of course. I can hear you. Just where are you hiding?!"

"Oh! I'm sorry!" The voice sounded sheepish. "Is this better?" On cue, a young boy shimmered into view. He was wearing a pale blue long-sleeved hoodie with black shorts and sandals. He also had bright blonde hair the exact shade of Naruto's and his eyes were a slightly darker shade of blue than Naruto's eyes. He also seemed to be about Naruto's age. But there was one very big difference – he was see-through, the colours translucent. Naruto gaped for a few long seconds before he finally opened his mouth and screamed in panic, "AAAAAAAHHHHH! GHOST!"

Flustered, the ghost tried to calm the panicking boy down, "I'm harmless! I'm not going to hurt you! I promise."

"AAAAAAHHHHH! I'M GOING TO DIE! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"Oh for the love of-" The ghost palmed his face when Naruto refused to calm down. As unbelievable as it was, he thought he might actually be getting a migraine from the sheer volume of Naruto's screams. He was just like…who was that person? He couldn't even remember what the person looked like!

Growling in frustration, he reached forward and clapped his hand over the boy's mouth, vainly hoping that it might shut him up. Much to his surprise, his hand didn't pass through the boy! Successfully silencing the boy, the ghost could feel warmth flooding through him like he had been dunked into a hot bath. Before he could ponder what was happening, he felt something slimy and wet swipe over his fingers.

"OH EW! GROSS!" Instantly letting go of the boy, the ghost indignantly wiped his damp hand that Naruto slobbered on, over his pants. "Did you really have to do _that_?" Naruto stuck out his tongue at him and crossed his arms, "It was the only way to get you to let me go!"

"I was trying to keep you quiet before you brought the roof down!" The ghost had never felt so _irritated _before in his afterlife, never mind that the new stranger was the first person who could see and talk with him in years. Naruto looked up at the new skylight and blithely quipped, "I already did earlier when I fell down."

His irritation quickly ebbed at the absurd truth and the ghost laughed so hard that he bent over and ectoplasmic tears sprang to his eyes. Wiping his eyes, he smiled brightly at Naruto and said, "I needed that laugh. It's so depressing being by myself with no one to listen or talk with. I'm Minato. What's your name?"

Naruto blinked at Minato, not quite sure of what to make of him. While he was a _ghost, _Minato didn't seem at all that scary! In fact, he seemed quite a lot like him… With a decisive nod, Naruto grinned, "I'm Uzumaki Naruto! Nice to meetcha!"

Minato smiled wider, "Same here."

"So um, do you know how to get out of here?"

* * *

><p><strong><span>Notes<span>**

In this AU, Namikaze Minato wasn't devoured by Shinigami because of Kyuubi's Yin half exerting its will. Instead, the two wound up fighting each other for dominance and Minato won...at a cost. Still a ghost (with a few extra abilities), he loses all his memories of his adult self and reverts back to childhood. He's not locked to a place like a normal ghost would be, but keeps returning to the glade because that's where he subconsciously feels most at home. He's desperately lonely because no one can see or hear him and it's many years before Naruto falls into his glade.

Despite Naruto's fear of ghosts, there's an apparent connection between them (quite obviously so when Minato can apparently turn "human" again after he feeds off Naruto) and they become very close friends (possibly codependent, considering their issues) through out Naruto's Academy years. Intriguingly, coming into contact with Naruto also somehow kickstarts Minato's ageing and they age in tandem - even if Minato still remains a ghost invisible to everyone else but Naruto. Minato never regains his memories of his "past self" even if he does have his suspicions on who he was (bloody obvious when your face is right _there_ on the Hokage Mountain and Naruto keeps raving about the 4th – no, he's not jealous of his other self!)

As they age, Minato finds himself with conflicting feelings for Naruto; fatherly because he still has subconscious remnants of his past self, romantic because he has come to love Naruto very dearly as a friend and wants more (he is worried that it might be because Naruto subconsciously reminds him of his former self's wife, Kushina). Needless to say, it is Naruto who initiates the relationship after a revelation.

Minato also really, really dislikes his other self, paradoxically disliking himself as well because he perceives that they are responsible for much of Naruto's unhappiness. This also leads him to reject his past memories, preferring to stay the innocent Minato. When the duo eventually have to master their respective Kyuubi halves, it brings Minato in contact with the shade of his adult self (let's call him Yondaime for easier distinction) in their shared mindscape and it's an explosive encounter with Naruto ironically refereeing their conversation.

Yondaime has already known about his younger self's relationship with Naruto and is rather disapproving, which does not do wonders for Minato's temper. Minato already has issues with Yondaime's handling of the Kyuubi issue (as well as personal insecurity, fear and etc) and snaps that if he hadn't been around, Naruto would have been worse off. It's a wonder that Kyuubi doesn't take advantage of the quarrel to make loose. Naruto and a re-emerged Kushina wind up having to break up the fight and it soon becomes clear that the younger Minato is not quite actually Yondaime's younger self. Instead, he's an amalgamation of Yondaime's and Kyuubi's identities – though it is very creepy for Yondaime to see someone with his face making out with his son (HAHAHAHA).

The AU eventually ends with Minato eventually becoming permanently solid/human much to their joy.


	5. Flesh, Blood and Bone

**Title:** Flesh, Blood and Bone

**Author:** gingeringfigs

**Rating:** PG

**Summary:** The 4th Shinobi War is now over and Madara and Obito have been defeated. But why the heck are the four undead Hokages wandering around Konoha?

**Notes:** I AM IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTIONS OVER THE RECENT UPDATES IN NARUTO. LET ME THROW AT YOU THIS PLOTBUNNY. SPOILERS AHOY FOR NARUTO 630 AND 631.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Flesh, Blood and Bone<span>**

The 4th Shinobi War was over. With the aid of Konoha's resurrected Hokages, they had successfully defeated Madara and Obito after a long arduous struggle. Out of the four Hokages, the Shodaime Hokage Hashirama was the weariest, having taken no pleasure in killing his best friend Madara. Thus, he was the most prepared and willing to return to the afterlife, to rest in eternal peace.

In converse, the Yondaime Hokage Minato was the most reluctant, not wanting to part with his son that he'd only met for the first time – the conversation that Naruto had with him in his mindscape did not count as that had not been truly himself, but a shade. Even if it meant that he would not be able to see Kushina again until he returned to ashes, Minato _wanted_ to be with his son Naruto, more than anything else in his entire life/afterlife.

But for now, Sasuke hadn't released the Edo Tensei technique yet and seemed to have completely forgotten about them. Not that surprising, considering that the erstwhile rogue ninja had been drawn into the complex political and judical fracas. Some demanded that he pay for his crimes in blood while others wanted a less drastic punishment in the light of new revelations. On top of that, he'd even declared his intention to become _Hokage_. It seemed that it was contagious, as Sakura had also put in her bid for the Hokage candidacy along with Naruto as Team 7. The parallels to the Sannin were glaringly obvious.

Seeing how messy the entire Uchiha Sasuke fiasco was (oh, please don't mention _Obito – _as far as he was concerned, Minato was not going to _deal_ with it, _ever_, even if he had been on his genin team- though, yes, he was rather _pissed_ to learn that Obito was the one who had caused the Kyuubi Incident), Minato was relieved that he and his peers hadn't been called upon to act as judges. It was a far too complicated mess that he wasn't going to touch. Secondly, it also dragged out the time he got to stay with Naruto the longer Sasuke was kept occupied by his trial.

Hashirama and Tobirama were not happy with the new turn of events and had isolated themselves from the rest of the village, feeling that they had no more part in the new Konoha. Sarutobi was more complacent and a familiar face to all. He was also understanding of Minato's reluctance to return so quickly to the dead and for that, Minato was grateful.

Sarutobi and Minato often wandered around the village under a cosmetic henge to hide their undead appearance, drawing a mixture of awed and bemused looks from not only Leaf ninja but other shinobi as well (since Konoha was centrally located and had the best medical skills and services available, some of the more injured Allied Shinobi Forces had been sent there to convalesce). Minato often heard his name being mentioned in conjunction with Naruto's; not that surprising now that the knowledge of Naruto's parentage had been made common knowledge with Sarutobi's backing. Hell, if you were to look at Minato and Naruto side by side, you would have to be blind not to see the resemblance.

Currently, the unhenged Minato was lying against a tree in the same training field Team 7 used. In his lap, he had a copy of Jiraiya's "The Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Shinobi" and was rereading it for old time's sake. He was so engrossed in reading that he almost didn't notice his son's presence approaching him. When Naruto was within kunai's throw, Minato looked up and smiled warmly at him, "Hello, Naruto."

"Hey, Dad. What are you reading?" Naruto sat down beside him, curiously leaning over to see what he had in his lap, unperturbed by Minato's undead appearance. He felt warm beside him and the Yin portion of Kurama's chakra in him flared up in response to the close proximity of the Yang portion Naruto possessed. It was akin to being dunked in a lovely hot bath and Minato secretly enjoyed the sensation very much – it was after all, one of the only few things that he could now feel with his deadened senses.

Minato lifted the book up to show him the cover and said, "You've read it before, I presume?"

Naruto immediately recognised the book and brightly grinned, "Oh yeah. It's a good story."

"Yes, it is." Minato companionably said, as he closed the book. He secreted it away in his pocket and languorously stretched his arms with a pleased sigh. Rolling his neck to relieve the few cricks, he raised a curious eyebrow at Naruto and asked, "So, are you here to spar with me again?"

Naruto blinked before he rapidly shook his head, "No, not this time! I just wanted to tell you good news."

"Which is?"

"Um, well…what do you say to the possibility of living in a new fresh body? A live one that is." Naruto was looking at the ground like it was the most interesting thing in the world, his voice small and hopeful.

_That was unexpected._

Frowning, Minato shot a sharp look at Naruto and sternly said, "While I'm aware that I was originally summoned by a criminal-" "Sasuke's not anymore!" " – I'm not going to let you commit a _kinjutsu_! Do you have any idea how much danger and trouble you're going to be in by messing with Death?"

Minato was _afraid_ for his son. Though yes, he would be very sad to leave when the Edo Tensei technique was ended, it didn't mean that he wanted his son to commit a crime for the purpose of prolonging his second (un)life. Naruto cringed at his stern voice and he defensively said, "It's not anything like _that_! Sakura's discovered some interesting stuff that Orochimaru and Kabuto had been working on…I didn't quite understand all the medical terms she was using, but basically, it's a flesh and blood clone technique. Due to the high chakra usage and its mental lash back, it was deemed as a failure and a kinjutsu. But…with you and me, we might be able to create a new body for you."

If his heart were still beating, it would have stopped. Minato didn't dare to hope. With kage-level restraint, he asked, "What about the other Hokages? Have you asked them?"

Naruto crookedly smiled, "We already did. Not surprisingly, the first two don't want it. I'm a bit disappointed that Sarutobi-jiji declined it though." Ducking his head, he shyly asked, "But…what about you? Do you want it? I'll…understand if you don't want it and want to go back to Mom, but yeah, please give it some thought?"

As if there was any doubt. Minato wrapped his arm around Naruto's shoulders and squeezed firmly. He smiled, "I'll do it. Kushina will understand and she can wait. If there's one thing I know, the dead have all the time in the world but the alive don't."

Naruto looked up in shock, not expecting his father to actually agree. He stammered, "B-but-but, weren't you all against it _earlier_?"

Minato gave him a gentle smile; "I was only against it earlier because I thought that you were going to sacrifice some lives in exchange for mine. Are you aware that Sasuke killed four Zetsu clones in cold blood in order to summon us? I don't want you to do the same as well."

"Oh. I see." Naruto looked a bit pale at the thought of killing in cold blood. Kushina had also been the same, unequivocally against the act of killing. But Naruto wasn't done speaking, "Well, while it wasn't very nice of Sasuke, he's always been a bastard anyway, I can't deny that he saved our collective asses by bringing you back."

Huh, Naruto was definitely a bit more pragmatic than his mother.

Minato snorted lightly and ruffled Naruto's hair, "Hmm, I don't know about that. He actually summoned us for the purpose of interrogating us for information that would help him make his decision to either help Madara or save the world. So it's lucky that he decided to help instead of sending us back, hm?"

Naruto was aghast by the new reveal of how _close_ it had been and that Sasuke was in fact, much more of a_ bastard_ than he thought. He protested loudly, "That's it! I'm _not_ letting him become Hokage!"

"I think you'll have no trouble with that." Minato reassuringly said before Naruto went off on another tirade like Kushina would have done in her tantrums. Naruto deflated before perking up, "Oh yeah, now that you agreed, we'd better go to the hospital to see Sakura! Then we can set you up with a new body."

Minato would have agreed, but the elation at the prospect had now worn off. With its disappearance, new worries took his place. Minato pulled Naruto back down before he could go haring off. He said, "But if I'm alive once more in the truest sense of the world, it could affect the political situation drastically. I'm still the Yondaime Hokage. I may have to wear the hat again."

Naruto narrowed his eyes at him, "Of course, I know that! I may not be the brightest like you, Dad, but I've thought about it. I've even read the laws, asked Sarutobi-jiji, Hashirama and Tobirama, checked with the Nara…And you know what, you're not going to be in the Hokage seat again when you're alive. You died, so it's now somebody else's turn to be the Hokage. So stop worrying and just do it."

"It still doesn't mean that I'm not without _influence_. I'm still the Yellow Flash and may be called upon by the Council." Minato argued, his brows knitting. Naruto rolled his eyes and he fiercely said, "So _what_? You already dealt with it before and you can do it again. Who cares what the others think? You'll be _alive_ and that's all that matters. Heck, if you're re-elected as the Rokudaime or Nanadaime, I'll be happy because 1) Sasuke's not going to be Hokage 2) you're alive 3)You'll get to finish your job 4) did I mention that you're alive? 5) you're pretty much the best Hokage in history 6)you're still alive. Frankly, I think that more people will be glad to have you back for real than to see you dead. Again."

Minato couldn't argue with Naruto's eloquent reply and could only stare. Naruto evenly returned his gaze before a faint blush crept over his cheeks and his neck. Shooting up to his feet, he tossed up his hands in the air and hissed, "And you know what, I _want_ you around because you're my goddamn _father_. Am I really so _selfish_ to want you to hang around for as long as possible?"

Naruto let his hands drop to his sides as he panted for breath. His eyes were suspiciously bright as he wilfully turned his back to a dumbstruck Minato.

Minato finally whispered, "…You want me to _stay_?"

"No, I'll rather see you dead again and out of my life." Naruto sarcastically said. Ouch. That had actually hurt. Minato winced. Naruto had quite the sharp tongue when he was riled. As Minato watched, his son wiped the back of his hand across his eyes and his voice had a slight wobble as he spoke, "Of course, I want you to fucking _stay_. You're my…family."

Instantly feeling terrible for inadvertently making his son cry, Minato was instinctively up on his feet and wrapping his arms around Naruto before he even realised what he was doing. Feeling incredibly foolish and grateful that they were in a secluded field where no one would see them, Minato tried to calm Naruto, "Of course, I'll stay! Why would I even want to refuse? I was just worried about the consequences, which, now I think about it, were fairly trivial."

Naruto snorted, allowing himself to indulge in the hug even if Minato did feel cold and clammy. Significantly calmer but still vengeful, he elbowed Minato behind him none too gently as he replied, "That's awesome. Now get us thee to the hospital."

Even if Minato was currently a zombie, Naruto's elbow in his gut was still rather uncomfortable. Wondering if that was how his shade had felt when Naruto had punched him, Minato obeyed, "Of course."

In a flash, they went off to the hospital.

**Fin.**

* * *

><p><strong>Notes<strong>

This is highly likely not going to happen in canon EVER. But LET ME DREAM. Okay so, in the aftermath of the 4th Shinobi War with Madara sent back to the afterlife and Obito commited to lots of THERAPY NO JUTSU and Sasuke being embroiled in politics/tribunal for the shit he pulled, the Edo Tensei technique is not ended. This means that Konoha now has 4 undead Hokages wandering around. The Yondaime Hokage Minato is very happy about this and exploits his new second (un)life to spend time with Naruto.

The trial goes unexpectedly (perhaps not all that surprising considering the convoluted history and truth) on for a long time, for _months_. In interim, Sakura discovers a possible method that could allow Minato to live as a normal, living and breathing human being again - a flesh and blood clone jutsu invented by Orochimaru and Kabuto. However, the technique was a failure because of the huge amount of chakra and possible bad psychological side-effects. But since Minato's already dead and he does possess Kurama's chakra and Naruto's contributing, they decide to take the risk.

With Naruto's chakra and donation of blood/DNA, Minato's DNA samples on bank and chakra, they manage to activate the jutsu. It initially goes well but something goes wrong in the process. The new body they create for Minato does not reach Minato's physical age and is stuck at Naruto's age. Minato also loses memories of his adult life and can only remember up to age 16. Minato is now alive...but as a teenaged boy with no recollection of his adult self and his real relation to Naruto. So everyone decides to pretend that Minato is Naruto's brother. Naruto is very upset by the new turn of events and has to take a while to come round to the new Minato as a brother instead of a father he had been hoping to gain. Sasuke is surprisingly sympathetic to Naruto.

The rest of the AU plot basically deals with how Minato and Naruto deal with their new relationship and whether or not Minato will get back his adult memories or change into his adult appearance. It involves Naruto being very tsundere with Minato and Minato experiencing all sorts of confused feelings towards Naruto.

Sakura ships them btw.


	6. Meet the Uzumaki Clan!

**Meet the Uzumaki Clan!**

The ruins of Uzushiogakure seemed to rise out of nowhere from the mists, seemingly floating on top of the sea. Turbulent whirlpools that surrounded the remnants of the former hidden village blocked access. It was impossible to cross by boat. Even water-walking across was deemed too dangerous, as the currents were too strong to control and could easily drag a man down to the seabed in a flash and trap him under the massive pressure and weight of the ocean. As such, it was not surprising that the ruins had never been accessed since Uzushiogakure's dissolution twenty years ago, not even once.

**POP** **POP POP POP POP!**

With a sudden loud noise similar to the sound of popcorn exploding, a small group of five people tumbled into existence with a burst of multi-coloured smoke. The surprised people landed on the ground in a heap of loud swearing and pain. A scroll fell from mid-air and bounced off the pile.

"...Are we finally out?" A muffled voice tentatively asked from the bottom of the pile. The group quickly disengaged from the pile and a buxom middle-aged woman shaded her eyes as she looked upward at the blue sky. She replied affirmatively, "We're out."

"Finally! I thought it would never end!" A young red-haired teen flung himself to the ground and kissed the ground. His identical twin gave him a swift boot in the butt, sending him flying, as she shouted, "No fucking thanks to your mistake! How the fuck did you mess up such a simple number in the seal?! Instead of 2 years, you sealed us up for 20 years!"

"Hey, we were in a hurry! It's still better than the alternative of being killed by enemies! Do you think you could have done a better job?!"

"It's not an excuse! Do you know how many episodes of my favourite show I've missed by now, thanks to your dumbfuck mistake?!"

"Who cares about your soap-dramas! It probably ended within a week!"

"Why you-! Take those words back now!" The girl's hands twitched, ready to wrap them around her younger brother's scrawny neck and choke the life out of him.

The brother crossed his arms in front of his chest in an 'X' and yelled, "NEVER!"

"Oh, it's fucking on!" The teenaged girl pounced on the bane of her life.

Meanwhile, the youngest of the group, a young boy who could not have been more than ten years old, was wide-eyed as he looked around the place. He asked, "Is this Uzushiogakure? It looks so different now!"

The oldest of the group, an elderly man with a snow-white long beard and moustache, gripped his cane and pushed himself upright before replying, "That's to be expected. 20 years is quite a long time after all. At least, we're still alive…"

"Quite. Stop fighting, you two." The woman easily caught the two squabbling twins and gave them a stern look, "It's not the time for quarrelling. We have to find out more about the current state of affairs and see if there's any more Uzumaki left."

The old man hummed thoughtfully. On cue, everyone fell silent and turned to him and waited for his verdict. They waited...and waited…and waited…before the old man let out a deep snore.

"…HE'S FALLEN ASLEEP AGAIN. STANDING UPRIGHT. HOW THE HELL DOES HE DO THAT," the male twin yelled, jabbing his finger at the dozing old man. Luckily for everyone involved, before the group descended into chaos again, the old man stirred awake and he finally said, "We should visit my grand-niece. I believe she's in Konoha now."

"Oh, that little twerp? It's been a while since I've seen…her…" the female twin perked up at first before deflating as she realised that her distant cousin was going to be TWENTY YEARS OLDER since the last time she had seen her. Fuming that she had missed out on two decades' worth of her cousin's life (while still being stuck in her TEENS), she grabbed her brother's shirt and shook him hard, "YOU BAKA! 20 YEARS GONE! KUSHINA'S NOW ALL GROWN UP AND I'M STILL A FRIGGING TEENAGER! YOU #%$%!^& *!"

As the boy turned blue in the face, the buxom woman tidied up her long red hair into a braid. She raised an elegant eyebrow at the distressed girl and said, "Mariko, please stop trying to kill your brother. We Uzumaki, are already few in number."

Mariko pouted before she reluctantly released her brother, "Okay, Ayano-baa." She sniffed, "Arata's still an idiot, anyway."

Ayano smiled and said, "Perhaps. But you must remember that his sealing speed did save our lives, even if our stasis was longer than intended. You would not have been able to create such a complicated seal so quickly, even if you're able to create more refined seals than your brother. We all have our own strengths and weaknesses."

Arata weakly raised his hand in a victory sign from where he still laid on the floor like a dead fish. Mariko shot him a dirty look before she heaved a heavy sigh, "Yeah…he did save our lives. But I'm not going to forgive him so easily for making such an elementary mistake!"

"That's the best that I can ask for," Ayano agreed. Mariko grinned evilly and Arata paled. Arata quickly changed the topic, "So, I suppose that we should go to Konoha now and see what's up? Catch up with the news and find the rest of the Uzumaki, yeah?"

* * *

><p><span><strong>Author's Note<strong>

An idea that never really came to fruition and frankly, I kind of found the idea lame and trite. It basically had the idea that a group of Uzumaki would have been accidentally stuck in a stasis seal during the Uzushiogakure invasion for longer than expected. After the stasis seal finally expires, the Uzumaki are ejected into reality and decide to catch up with the rest of the world and find out what happened to the other Uzumaki. Naturally, they go to Konoha and find out about Naruto and et all. The OCs' weren't very fleshed out aside from the two twins. I think that this plot might work better if the OC's could be more fleshed out in due time.


	7. Youkou

**Title:** Youkou  
><strong>Author:<strong> gingeringfigs  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG13  
><strong>Summary: <strong>The first time Minato met Youkou, it wasn't exactly planned.

* * *

><p>Namikaze Minato was severely regretting his earlier agreement with Jiraiya to act as his POC. He had agreed because Jiraiya had been assigned a mission from the Sandaime Hokage and thus couldn't make it for this apparently very important meeting with a neutral spymaster. But how was he to know that this so-called spymaster was also the owner of a very well known and high-class resort geisha house? No wonder his former sensei had looked simultaneously regretful and gleeful when he dumped the mission on him.<p>

_Damn it, Jiraiya. You so owe me for this._

Located amid a vast orange orchard near hot springs, the geisha house was aptly named _Tangerine Bloom _for the building was festooned with bright flowers and delicately perfumed with orange blossoms. If Minato hadn't known better, he would have thought that the place was nothing more than a very luxuriously appointed holiday resort for the rich nobility…who sought to have a night with the famous and mysterious Tayu of Tangerine Bloom.

The Tayu was supposedly a great beauty but very fickle. They rarely took clients who were usually passed on to the other geisha in the building. At the end of the day (or night rather), the clients were happily soused and well entertained, willingly dropping several ryo into Tangerine Bloom's coffers. The owner himself rarely made an appearance.

Jiraiya had already made it quite clear that Minato was to go undisguised or risk being blocked by Tangerine Bloom's formidable fuinjutsu wards that prevented unwanted guests. Jiraiya had already booked Minato in Tangerine Bloom's guest list so he was already covered (and couldn't refuse because apparently to book a night at Tangerine Bloom was insanely expensive and it made his inner poor orphan cringe at the idea of wasting Jiraiya's money).

So. Right. He was now standing outside Tangerine Bloom's front gate and wondered how to approach the situation. He was quite familiar with brothels thanks to Jiraiya's inappropriate ideas of training grounds when he was a genin but Minato had never been in such a refined geisha house like this.

"Hey, hey, what are you doing out there? Are you a new guest?" A male voice greeted him from the open door. Minato looked up and saw a brown-haired man dressed plainly in a grey yukata. Not knowing what to say, Minato could only nod as he walked towards the stranger.

The stranger gestured to the shoe-racks against the wall once Minato finally stepped inside the building, "Take off your shoes and put them there. Wear these." He handed him a pair of wooden geta sandals and Minato obeyed – better not to risk offending any staff of the geisha house and ruin his chances of meeting the spymaster.

"What's your name, sir? You can call me Yoichi." Yoichi sat at the reception counter and briskly flipped through the registration book. Minato hesitated minutely, too used to giving false identities on missions before he truthfully replied, "I'm Namikaze Minato. I understand that Jiraiya should have put me down in the waiting list with the Tayu of this household."

Yoichi nodded and ticked his name off in the registration book before putting it aside, "Yes, yes, very good…your name has been registered, Namikaze-san. Welcome to Tangerine Bloom."

Yoichi bustled around for a few moments, tidying up the counter. Grabbing a key from the key cabinet, he beckoned Minato to follow him to his new accommodation for the night. After going up two stairs and wandering past several doors, Yoichi unlocked the door for Minato and gave him the run-down.

"You've been given the best room of the building, Namikaze-san. It's got quite a good view of the surrounding orchards and it's also the biggest room we've got with its own bathroom. If you want to relax in the hot springs, feel free to do so. If you've got laundry, just place it in the laundry basket and the cleaners will take care of it. If you're hungry or thirsty, you can take whatever you like from the mini-bar or just call up room service."

"Got it." Minato relaxed slightly, secretly relieved that the geisha house was more like a resort, when Yoichi cheerfully continued, "Oh yeah, yeah, if you're looking to have a good time with our ladies, you'll have to join the rest of the guests in the main dining hall and try your luck. If you're really _lucky_, you just might be able to meet Tayu-sama and have a mind-blowing night."

Minato turned and objected, "No I-"

The door slammed shut before Minato could even finish his sentence. Minato sighed and wished for the umpteenth time that he hadn't agreed to help Jiraiya out.

* * *

><p>Minato was sorely tempted to stay locked inside his room, not looking forward to spending the night with flirty geisha and drunken civilians. But alas, duty called. The meeting with the owner was <em>important<em>, especially when the information they had to offer could decide Konoha's fate. Thank goodness that he had already taken a soak in the hot springs earlier to relax his sore muscles and soothe his nerves or he barely would have been able to make it through the night without a pounding headache.

Dressed in a formal yukata, Minato felt distinctly naked without his weapons. He ignored it as best as he could. Yoichi saw him coming down the stairs and waved him over, "Ah, hey, hey, Namikaze-san! Tayu-sama would like to see you now. Come quickly! You mustn't keep Tayu-sama waiting!"

Minato blinked, wondering why such a famous courtesan wanted to meet him. He frowned and asked, "Why does the Tayu want to see me?" Yoichi shrugged, "Who knows, man? Whatever the Tayu says, it's law round these parts since he's the boss yo."

…_The Tayu was the owner? Now it made sense. _

Satisfied, Minato nodded and followed Yoichi to the Tayu's chambers. Soon enough, he was led to a room that was surprisingly spartan. Aside from a luxurious bed, the furniture and decorations in the spacious room were minimalist and bespoke functional design and comfort. He could not see the Tayu anywhere inside the room before he spotted a small side-door. The Tayu must be inside there.

Wait a minute. That was a fuinjutsu seal on the wall, a very strong privacy seal from the looks of it. Minato also hadn't seen that particular style of fuinjutsu before and he went over to examine it closely, his inner fuinjutsu nerd emerging.

"Hah, it's the first time I've had a guest look so interested in that mark! Not even Jiraiya was that enthusiastic."

A voice commented in amusement, startling Minato. He hadn't even heard or detected anyone appear in the room. Instantly spinning around to face the newcomer with the beginnings of a rasengan appearing in his palm, Minato stopped short when he saw the person and the rasengan faded into wisps. The Tayu smiled at him.

The Tayu wasn't a woman like he had been expecting (wait, didn't Yoichi mention something like that earlier?). Instead, the Tayu was a redheaded man in a russet yukata that left him scandalously exposed with his upper torso bare. The Tayu's violet eyes were lined with red eyeliner and he had painted his lips red. The Tayu gestured for him to sit on the chaise lounge as he perched himself on a chair beside him.

"I've been expecting you, Namikaze Minato. I am the Tayu and owner of Tangerine Bloom, Youkou. It's a pleasure to finally meet you after hearing so much about you from Jiraiya." The Tayu finally said with a smile.

**Fin.**

* * *

><p><span><strong>Author's Note<strong>

Youkou means crimson but it also sounds like another japanese word youko, which refers to a humanoid fox-demon with fox ears and tail.

In this AU, Naruto is also back in the past ala "**Meet Uzumaki Naruto, Kushina's fake-twin-brother-who's-to-be-the-next-jinchuuriki**", but ends up in a later time period where Minato has already become a jounin but hasn't gotten a genin team yet. On a whim, Naruto decides to set up an inn which somehow turns into a geisha tea-house along the way, thanks to the geisha he kept rescuing during his travels. Thanks to his travels and networking within the geisha world, Naruto builds a formidable spy network that could rival Jiraiya's spy network. With his delicate features and rare appearances, Naruto also gains a reputation as the beautiful Tayu "Youkou" (even though he's MALE) and he gleefully abuses it to get juicy gossip from his clients. Through genjutsu and fuinjutsu, he tricks his clients into thinking that they had sex when they actually never did. As a backup for the very very rare scenario that both measures fail to work on his client, Naruto constantly vets the people that come to his geisha teahouse to make sure that there are no unwanted guests.

Jiraiya of course gets wind of the mysterious Tayu and decides to try his luck. He is incredibly disappointed to discover that "Youkou" is actually a man (though he does make for a very convincing woman if he bothered to wear women's clothes and makeup). They decide to trade information and one day, Jiraiya decides to give the overworked Minato a short vacation at the geisha teahouse while also playing a prank on him at the same time. Naruto secretly freaks out a lot when Minato shows up at his place for the first time, not actually expecting to see him at all in this reality when he had decided not to get involved in Konoha's affairs in the first place so as not to mess up the timeline too much. But against Naruto's plans, he can't help but enjoy Minato's company and getting to know more about him.

Once Minato got over his annoyance at being duped by Jiraiya and his surprise that Youkou is actually a man, he is also surprised to find himself enjoying the other man's company. He actually relaxes for the first time in ages at the geisha teahouse and doesn't mind going back again as Jiraiya's permanent replacement. He doesn't have many friends in Konoha who could give him sound advice like Youkou can and make him laugh. The rest of this AU focuses on Naruto/Youkou's impact on the world as a Tayu/spymaster (and his relationship with Namikaze Minato because I'm biased like that).


End file.
